30 Days of Thanks - Day 2

 

Today I am grateful for the reminder of the goodness of God. He is good, and He does good. Even when I can't see every detail of what He's doing, I can trust in His goodness. On top of that, I can remember that His goodness is motivated by His love, and that love endures literally forever. There is no end. The secret of enduring is believing in the reality of the never-ending love of our God who is constantly acting out of His goodness and grace.

For those in a season where it's hard to see His goodness and you're questioning His steadfast love, giving thanks for it might be difficult. Not too long ago when I was in a similar place, I felt compelled to give thanks as if the season was over. It was life-altering. I can choose to believe that no matter where I am or what I am going through that God is working all things together for good. He has my best interest in mind, and I can always trust Him. I can dream ahead to the time where I know my mind, heart, emotions and circumstances will make it easier to see the fruit of His presence. I don't have to wait. I can give thanks now.

For that, on day 2, I am truly grateful.

Love Your Enemies

Love your enemies2

Last Sunday, I had the privilege of preaching the sermon "Love Your Enemies" as a part of a series called "Shocked" at our home church. I got to work through Jesus' words from Luke 8 about the very real instruction to love our enemies. The current climate in our world provides many real opportunities to put these words into action. "Love Your Enemies" isn't a suggestion. It's not an ideal. It's a commandment. Whether our enemies are religious extremists or a gossiping co-worker, the words of Jesus are helpful. For some, you experience the reality of enemies in your home or maybe on your street. The matter is not if we will have enemies. The issue is how we will apply what Jesus has taught us about our enemies.

Here's the video of the sermon: http://subsplash.com/crossbridge/v/db9ee42

Or if you'd rather have audio, click here: https://soundcloud.com/user-6883072/love-your-enemies

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Parental Vision

Recently I spent some quality time studying the book of Proverbs, and it is amazing how something you have read dozens of times can still speak to you as if you've never seen or heard it before.  One particular passage, that is very familiar, took on a new angle for me. 

"Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint..." -  Proverbs 29:18 ESV

Back before my ESV days, I remember the NIV text saying that where there was no vision the people perished.  Those are some pretty serious consequences for a lack of vision.  As a result, I've often used this verse as fuel to rally whatever organization I'm working with to embrace a big vision.  The newness of this verse, however, has to do with the context.  This chapter in Proverbs is a lot about parenting and raising children, and this vision verse is right in the middle of it.  It began to sink in that this is a verse about raising kids. 

Kids are a big part of our life.  We have three of our own, and we spend a great deal of time mentoring or leading after school programs that our church is a part of to reach out to at-risk kids in our community.  Adopting our girls took us to a world where there was pretty much nothing but the casting off of restraint.  Surviving trumps everything where there was no vision. We see it in the kids in our community who are struggling to survive as well.  There doesn't seem to be  room for dreams or vision when reality is overpowering. 

Even in kids who don't have a lot to overcome, I wonder if the daily grind of school, homework, self-centered extra-curricular activities, repeat is robbing them of the vision they need to not cast of restraint.  Do they have an identify of their own in what they are going with most of their time?

Out of this verse, I was convicted that I'm not imparting enough vision into my own kids' lives.  I'm so focused on day-to-day functionality and obedience that I don't spend enough time prophesying and dreaming with my kids.  When they are older, will their time with me reflect more that they can make their bed and follow rules or will they be able to see their role in God's great story and follow Him faithfully for all of their days?

Over the years I've become a fan of how Donald Miller tells stories, and more recently how Bob Goff does the same.  Donald Miller tells a story of painting a picture of living a bigger story for a teenage girl who was struggling in this book.  Bob Goff talks a lot about including his kids into living great stories in this book.   These are just examples of what I feel like Proverbs is leading us into parents. 

We should be the first ones to dream big and pray prophetic visions over our kids (and for any kids around us really).  We shouldn't force them only into the mold of what we expect them to be, but we should pray and lead them into everything God created them to be.  Without vision or dreams, they'll coast into a life of survival and peer acceptance that will be the equivalent of perishing. 

Norman & Grace helping our kids dream...

Standing with Louie

Louie Giglio has been an important influence on multiple generations and was invited to pray at the inauguration of the president.  His most recent influence has been in leading the charge against human trafficking across the globe.  It is amazing how much momentum this cause has gained under his leadership.  Last week at Passion 2013, college students gave about $4 millon to the cause.  It is the significance of this movement that led to his invitation to pray.  

Upon learning of his invitation, the media immediately went into dirt mode and has very widely published bits and pieces of a sermon he preached 22 years ago to prove that he is a bigot and anti-gay.  I can't believe that is what our country has come to.  What if in every job interview, the emphasis was on something you said 22 years ago?  Louie has preached 1000's of sermons that weren't picked through...only the 1 that said what they wanted to prove he said.  It is fickle and immature.  If you want to make claims on a man's character, read them all.  That's what integrity would do.  There is so little integrity in journalism anymore. 

Our country is divided right down the middle on the issue of homosexuality.  That means that we all know someone that we disagree with on this topic.  It doesn't mean that we can't focus on what we do agree on and love each other anyway.  For a supporter of gay rights to call a conflicting opinion bigoted is to make an equally bigoted statement.  I'm glad I'm not very publicly judged by something that I said 22 years ago.  

I find tremendous class in Louie's response (below).  He's so anti-guy that there's one sermon out of thousands that he's preached that even raised the issue, and hasn't even brought it up in 15 years. I'm disappointed in our country...again.  We let the loud voices of a few dictate the norms, and the truth gets glossed over so we can rush to judgement.  The Left does it.  The Right does it, and it's ridiculous. 

I feel like this is well said...

 "I am honored to be invited by the President to give the benediction at the upcoming inaugural on January 21.  Though the President and I do not agree on every issue, we have fashioned a friendship around common goals and ideals, most notably, ending slavery in all its forms.  

Due to a message of mine that has surfaced from 15-20 years ago, it is likely that my participation, and the prayer I would offer, will be dwarfed by those seeking to make their agenda the focal point of the inauguration.  Clearly, speaking on this issue has not been in the range of my priorities in the past fifteen years. Instead, my aim has been to call people to ultimate significance as we make much of Jesus Christ.

Neither I, nor our team, feel it best serves the core message and goals we are seeking to accomplish to be in a fight on an issue not of our choosing, thus I respectfully withdraw my acceptance of the President’s invitation.  I will continue to pray regularly for the President, and urge the nation to do so.  I will most certainly pray for him on Inauguration Day.

Our nation is deeply divided and hurting, and more than ever need God’s grace and mercy in our time of need."

If half of our country can make a hate case out of Louie Giglio, God help us...

jason

Being Saved

"For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." - 1 Corinthians 1:18

More and more it is clear how true this verse is. Even within Christianity, the purpose of the cross has become highly controversial. Those who deny our faith don't understand and consider it folly. Christians are considered anti-intellectual by most of the atheist camp. Paul called this shot a couple thousand years ago. We shouldn't be surprised that many will think the faith we cling to is ridiculous. It is. It is not logical, it is not reducible, it is not testable or reproducible, it's faith. As caught up as I am in all of this, it's not the point of where I'm going today.

The words "being saved" jumped out at me in this passage. I meet with a group of guys every Monday night that help process through the passages for upcoming sermons. It's an incredibly valuable time, and last night we talked about this very issue. It's heart-breaking how many Christian's testimonies are only past tense. If they have a miracle story, it's one they look back to. When people tell their salvation stories, it usually involved a date, place and time fixed in history. The phrase here is not limited to the past, put includes the present, and it looks to the future. Salvation is an ongoing work of God in our lives. If we refer to our salvation only in the past tense, then we misunderstand the power of God. We need the gospel every day. Every day we are sinners in need of a Savior. Every day we are being sanctified, we are transformed as we seek after Him and His ways. Philippians says that He who started the work will finish it. When is that? When we die. In other words, salvation is not something we look back to, but something we look forward to.

In the Fall I went to the doctor after finding out that my blood pressure was sky high. After blood work, they found that I have a genetic predisposition to the diabetic condition that almost killed my father last year. My doctor is a godly man, who told me it's up to me to determine when it comes. If I work hard, get in shape, eat better, and sleep more, then I may fight it off for ever. I've taken that challenge seriously and begun to change things. So, I can look back at that moment when I realized I was broken and in need of change. 5 months later I'm in better shape, I feel better, but I've still got a long way to go. Even if I set a hard fast goal and reached it, if I chose not to continue to take care of myself I would be tempted to celebrate only what's happened in the past. I would say something like, "I really worked hard and took care of myself and got to where I wanted to be." I feel like a lot of people talk about their Christianity that way. Back then I needed it, and now I'm in good shape because of what happened then. It's tragic. Scripture says God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. When He spoke to Moses, He described Himself as "I AM." He didn't say I was. He intentionally used the present tense which in this case includes the future tense as well. He was, He is, He will be.

My prayer is that we wouldn't look back and consider the greatest achievements of our faith behind us, but that we would look ahead and consider the greatest achievement of our faith ahead. We are being saved, we are passing from darkness into glorious light, we are being changed. It's happening now. We need it now, and we believe it's coming in even greater abundance. Let's embrace the now, let's be honest about our need for a Savior now. Let's consider that we're being saved.

Buildings...

A few weeks ago, we worked with some other folks in our town to dip strawberries in chocolate to help rescue widows in Rwanda (click here for more about the project). It was great to meet new people and for Holly, Jacob and I to be able to participate in a mission project that is both local and international. True Vineyard raised $10,000 in a weekend, and it was an honor to be a part of it.

In talking with the other people we were serving with, I learned something. Our church is still pretty underground. Over the past few years we've enjoyed a steady rise in attendance, an increase in community activity and projects, and a growing interest and involvement in missions and orphan care. We have a good mix of college students and post-college adults, a lot of kids, and a growing Junior High and High School group. Things are better, stronger, and bigger than they've ever been. In spite of all of this, when people find out I'm a pastor (despite my attempts to keep it on the DL), a conversation like this ensues...

"Where do you pastor?" I say, "River Stone Community Church." They say, "where's that?" I say, "we meet most often on campus?" "Which campus?" "The Texas State campus." "Oh, are you that church that meets in the student center?" "No, that's Three Rivers." "Oh, do you meet up on the hill? I think I've seen your commercials." "No, that's the church formerly known as Fellowship of San Marcos - Bay Area Fellowship." "Oh, I think I had a friend go to that church" "That was probably PromiseLand. They've had their own building for 4 years now." Oh, I guess I've never heard of you guys." "Yeah, we keep a pretty low profile." "Well, good luck to you guys." "Thanks."

If I had a dollar for every time I had this conversation I could... well I could take you to Taco Bell, but it seems like a lot. The latest version included a follow-up question. "When are you going to get your own building?" Bum, bum, buuum! There it is. You can't be a real church until you have your own building. We're now in our sixth year as a church plant, and we're just now walking in the freedom and truth of who we were created to be. We're just scratching the surface, but our identity crisis is over. However, I have to confess, that from time to time in moments of weakness, I wish we had a better building situation. We've now been setting up for two years (before that we rented places where we could leave our gear in place). I'm tired of getting up at 6am every Sunday, leaving my family at home to go and pick up one of our trailers. Though I enjoy the time with the set-up crew, it's a lot of work. For two years now, our friends wait for us after our worship times and help to load everything out. We sit down to lunch around 2pm and get home between 3-4pm. At that point, we are fried! It sure would be nice to have our own place so my life would be easier...

By the grace of God, we meet in a theater that is closed 6-8 times a year. On those days we are forced to come up with a different meeting situation. I used to be frustrated by this, but now I consider it a tremendous dose of grace. It used to stress me out when I couldn't find an alternative location, and when I did, it would cost twice as much as the place we normally meet. However, one day that all changed for me. I heard someone speak on the underground churche in a foreign land, and they told how they couldn't announce their meeting locations because the cops would show up to persecute them. If they wanted to know where to meet, they had to pray and have the Spirit tell them where to go. Sold. No more complaining on my end. We'll follow the Spirit. It's not quite that bad at River Stone, but it's close. It's an opportunity for us to identify with churches around the world where the Spirit of God is still alive and well. It helps us remember the freedom we enjoy is rare and a blessing (or maybe it's a curse, but that's probably a different blog). People really do lay down their lives for the same faith we share, and while they're fighting for their lives, we've got climate control, video clips, coffee and doughnuts - thank you, Jesus! I digress...

Last Sunday (and this Sunday), we're without a place to meet, and we decided to do something different. We decided to give the set-up team the week off, and meet in a park. I've embraced what Rick Warren used to say, "you can worship with us if you can find us." So, the picture above is from our worship time at Landa Park in New Braunfels. No sound, no lights, no livestream, just the Spirit of God and his wonderful creation. People brought their lawn chairs and blankets and turned a concrete slab in a public park into a sanctuary. We sang with the birds and the wind. We lifted our hands with the trees. We bowed down with the valleys. We groaned with creation in anticipation of the Gospel. While we were there, I remembered a passage from the Life Journal in Mark 13. One of Jesus' disciples said, "Look, teacher, what wonderful stones and what wonderful buildings!" And Jesus said to him, "Do you see these great buildings? There will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down." And there you have it. Jesus doesn't care about buildings. Being a "real" church has nothing to do with having a building. It has to do only with the presence and power of the Living God! I pray that as a church, that's what we want to build - a group of people hungry for God and hungry to live differently because He's changing us. Hungry to dance upon injustice. Hungry to speak for those who have no voice. Hungry for the Kingdom to rain down on Hays county and the world.

For the record, there's nothing wrong with buildings, but a wise pastor told me yesterday... "It's incredibly rare for a church building that is full of people to be full in the next generation." Look around at all the empty church buildings. So many churches are closing their doors. Their buildings were no guarantee of longevity or even the presence of God. It's just a building. I continue to wrestle with this, but at this point, even if we had enough money to buy land or build a building (which we don't), I would have a hard time not suggesting to the elders that we give it away instead. A few years ago, I felt like if we ever had a building of our own, that it would be a gift, and we would receive that gift only if we could use it to consider our community more important than ourselves. I think I'm back to that. We are a nomadic church, and that's who we are. We're not in the same place every week. We don't make it as easy and convenient as possible, but we would love for you to be a part of our family. However, you have to understand that our goal is not to get in a building as soon as possible. Our goal is not to cater to everyone's felt needs. Everyone's need is Jesus, and He's enough. In fact, our goal is to stay out of a building as long as possible, because we're gaining a truer understanding of what the Church is called and created to be. It's not easy, but it's the right thing for us.

Welcome to the life of a nomadic church...

Persistence

Yesterday, while preaching on The Lord's Prayer in Luke 11:1-13, I got hung up on the word "impudence." "Impudence" means persistence. The message Jesus was preaching was one of persistence. I couldn't help but feel conviction about this. I'm a starter. I like to get things started. I'm a visionary. I'm a dreamer. I'm all over the place - all the time! I drop bombs and let other people clean up the mess and work it out. But persistence is about finishing. The life journal this morning was Hebrews 12-13 and Jude. In Hebrews, it says to "run with endurance the race that is set before us." I said something very similar to the quote on this poster yesterday, and it's a message for me just as much as anybody. It's not going to be one in particular dream or vision that's going to be what I'm after, it's going to be the finishing of a bunch of smaller dreams and visions that build into something more significant. For the past couple of weeks, everything I read seems to include words like constant, without ceasing, persistence, impudence, in all things. I feel like I'm growing in persistence as a discipline, and I'm hopeful that I will become more of a finisher in the process.

On a sort of related note, the most difficult area for me to stay persistent in is praying for Holly's eye. It's now been almost six months since Holly woke up with double vision. It's not as bad as it was back then, and it has days of being better and days of being worse. The worse however, is not as bad as it was. She's probably driven herself places close to 20 times in the 6 months. 90% of the time, we've felt like it's just not a safe option for our family. I've found myself the past few days realizing that I'm not praying with the same intensity or persistence that I was 6 months ago. Don't get me wrong. I've prayed ever day for her eye, but not with the same zeal. So, I'm reminded that it is those who keep asking, seeking, and knocking who get the door opened when the timing is right. I'm trusting that some revelation and complete healing come soon.

So, may I encourage us all to be persistent, even if it's in something small. Let's start somewhere. Let's finish something. Let's run the race marked out for us and trust that we're training for greater Kingdom things.

Holly's final doctor visit...

This morning we had the follow-up with the hematologist. The main purpose was to rule out the Anti-phospholipid Antibody Syndrome. The blood work had to be repeated at least 8 weeks after the first test to be conclusive. The results were negative. The one test that was borderline was not even close. He also did a number of other tests that looked for any type of genetic clotting disorder. They were all negative. He even went as so far to say that based on all of the tests (including the MRI's), he finds it hard to believe that it was any type of blood clot that caused the palsy of the cranial nerve. So, if it wasn't a clot, what caused it? It's a mystery. It appears to be a fluke medical condition caused by nothing, or something that can't determine. The good news is that Holly's now been given a clean bill of health. There's no need for long-term blood thinners, and there's nothing to be careful of for the future. Hopefully, by the grace of the Lord's healing hand, her eye will continue to heal and align. This is a very brief update, but I wanted to get the word out. Thank you for your continuing prayers for the regeneration of the 6th cranial nerve. We are praying it through to completion, and we are trusting in the Lord's faithfulness that this healing will bring much glory to His beautiful name. Thanks again for caring about us and for your support through this trying season.

Much love!

Praying for Galyna...

This summer we had the wonderful privilege of meeting Galyna. Galyna is a Ukrainian orphan that was hosted by a family in our church. I'll never forget the look on her face her first Sunday. She was completely overwhelmed by our corporate worship experience. She wanted to sit in the back so she could check things out from afar. Her last Sunday with us (two Sundays ago), she was on the front row - right where she wanted to be. When some people gathered to pray for Holly's eye, Galyna was one of the first ones to pray, and she prayed in her native tongue which is something else I'll never forget. Since then, Holly and Galyna have a tight bond. As a result of that, Jacob and I also feel very close to her. Last Friday, Galyna returned to the orphanage in the Ukraine. Before she left, our elders joined with her and her host family and others who have adopted from the Ukraine. We prayed for her and for her return. We laughed, cried, prayed, sang and gave glory to the Most High for our time with her and how she's changed all of our lives. The family who hosted her is trying to adopt her, but the process is uncertain at best. We are asking the Lord to bring her home. The pictures above remind us of her time with us (at Jacob's birthday party) and where she is now (on the bus back to the orphanage). We are more than asking. We are fasting, expecting, and interceding for her protection, provision, spiritual well-being, and safe return. As the Spirit leads, we all would covet your prayers for this beautiful child of God. On Sundays, we're saving her seat trusting that she will soon worship with us again.

On a related note, we're collecting supplies for the orphanage in the Ukraine. We will be collecting blue pens, children's socks and underwear, and toothbrushes and toothpaste. Also, if you are interested in hosting a Ukrainian orphan over Christmas, there is a need. Log on to the GRACE Adoption Ministry website for more information.

Hematologist Report (on Holly's ongoing eye issue...)

Thank you again for taking the time to read about the latest on Holly's 6th cranial nerve palsy. Her vision is still the same. Still seeing truly double, and she is wearing some glasses we rigged up that block out the affected eye to help her function with the double vision.

We went to the hematologist at the request of the neurologist. The hematologist was really nice, seemed to really listen, and really knew his stuff. He looked at the blood work the neurologist ordered, but he didn't agree that the findings necessarily indicated the antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. He's familiar with that condition, and in his experience people that have it have higher numbers on their blood work. To confirm or deny the diagnosis, you have to wait six weeks between tests. So, Holly will have more blood work done the week of August 10th. He also said that he has treated a lot of people who have clotted as a result of birth control. Birth control enhances certain genetic tendencies of clotting. Most people only clot when they get older, but the birth control brings the clotting sooner. If there's no genetic issue, then the birth control is the culprit. He also wants to check her heart, because the heart can cause clotting. He doesn't really think it's either of those things, but he has to check it out. He did also say that when he's seen clotting as a result of birth control that it's normally in the leg. Holly's being in her brain is unusual.

So, we're still pretty much where we started. It's great news that he doesn't think it's the autoimmune disease. If that's confirmed by the next round of blood work, then she won't have to be on blood thinners. More waiting around and more praying that the 6th cranial nerve will regenerate so she can see. We'll give more information as we have it. Oh, and we seem to be really noticing how many verses there are about sight and blindness in Scripture. Pretty amazing.

We love you and cherish your prayers. Thank you for your support.

Jason, Holly, and Jacob

Holly Eye Update

Thank you again for all of your prayers and support during this strange time for us. It's now been almost four weeks since Holly woke up with double vision (diplopia). Her condition is basically the same. It's actually a bit worse because as her muscle is not being stimulated at all by the nerve, her eye drifts more medially and has made the double vision more severe. The abducens nerve is the real name of the 6th cranial nerve. A blood clot in Holly's brain has affected the blood flow to this nerve causing it to be paralyzed. This is the nerve that controls the muscles in the eye that move it laterally. Since this nerve is paralyzed, the eye drifts medially and inhibits the eyes from working together to see one image, they are working independently and seeing two.

Yesterday, we returned to the neurologist for a synopsis on the blood work (all 7 vials worth). They did find an abnormality. This was actually a bit comforting for us because it means something caused this. They found increased levels of her antiphospholipd antibodies. Antibodies are what your body makes to fight off anything that shouldn't be there. These increased level indicate that her body is creating antibodies that are attacking her own body. It is an autoimmune condition. The main consequence is the producing of blood clots in the body that could cause a stroke (or in this case a paralyzed nerve). Another symptom of this condition is miscarriage. We're two for two in the past year and a half. The next step is to have this diagnosis confirmed with a hematologist who will probably run all the blood work again to confirm. If he agrees, the solution is blood thinners. The question will be is aspirin enough of a blood thinner, or will they want to do something stronger that is prescription? Holly's body should be more well than it's ever been with this treatment. The appointment with the hematologist is a week from today.

However, it will do nothing to repair her eye. The healing of her double vision is entirely dependent upon the regeneration of that 6th cranial nerve. It is just as likely to regenerate as to not, but we are believing God for her total healing. Last week, a good friend of mine named John McComb (pastor of San Marcos Community Church), called and asked if he could bring some guys he prays with over to lay hands on Holly on Thursday night. I invited our elders and some others who have been standing with Holly very closely through this. It was an amazing time. One of the families is hosting an 11-year old Ukrainian orphan who prayed in her native tongue over Holly. That alone was worth the price of admission. It was so great to come together - regardless of church - and go hard after God's heart in all of this. Holly said she felt a couple of different things from the Lord during our prayer time (1) Look at how much Kingdom growth is happening because of this and (2) It's not time yet. So, we remain encouraged the God is working in the midst of this. We're still struggling to live normally as Holly's ability to do a lot of normal things is limited, but we're grateful for the opportunity to come together as a family, pray more than we ever have, and trust God for the future. The support from our family and friends has been almost overwhelming. The goodness of God is very close despite the weight of the situation. We each have our moments of melt-down, but overall we're very blessed, hopeful, and excited about everything that God's doing in this season.

Thank you for caring enough to read all of this and for walking with us. We love you.

Double Vision Update

First of all, I would like to thank you so much for all of your thoughts, prayers, and kind words over the past couple of weeks. It is still a bit overwhelming at times, and we are truly humbled by so many family and friends interceding on our behalf. I just wanted to send a quick update.

These are some glasses that I rigged up for Holly to wear. The only way for her to not see double at this point is to block out her left eye. Her vision is 20/20 in both eyes individually, but the left one is the affected eye. It's the one that is unable to align the two images she is seeing. So, these glasses allow her to see normally out of her good eye and to block out the double vision. They are not a great fix, but better than a patch. We went back to the eye doctor last week, and he has ordered Holly a +10 contact. It's a super strong prescription. It's like putting on eye glasses that are so strong you can't see through them. The lens is so strong that she can't see through it, and it just whites out everything. The thought is that whited out is better than blacked out, and with the contact, she can still see light without obstruction. So, that should be here this week for her to try out.

We went last we last week for the bloodwork, and they took 5 viles of blood. The next day they called and said they didn't see everything on the order, and they need 3 more. So, the three more will happen today. Again, the bloodwork is to see if there's a viral or blood issue causing the 6th cranial nerve palsy.

We're taking it one day at a time. Coping is a little easier each day, but still very life-changing. Our prayer is that God would restore her sight completely in his perfect timing for His own glory.

Again, all the messages, phone calls, and conversations have been a huge blessing. Thank you for standing with us.

Faith shall be sight...

It's hard to put into words the events of the past few days. We appreciate all the calls, e-mails, messages, tweets, thoughts, and prayers. For those of you reading about this for the first time, thank you for caring about us.

On Thursday morning, Holly texted me during a meeting to tell me that she was seeing double. She's been spending a lot of time working on graphics this month, and she thought she had just strained them from spending too much time in front of the monitor. After taking Thursday off, she woke up Friday still seeing double. She walked in for an appointment with Dr. Stanfield, our optometrist and friend. After his exam, he said Holly's eyes were fine. She was seeing 20/20. She could read the bottom line on the chart, she just saw two lines instead of one. Dr. Stanfield said most people who say they're saying double are actually seeing blurred or ghost-like images. She was truly seeing double. The abrubt onset of the double vision and her eyes being fine were a cause of concern. Dr. Stanfield wanted her to go see a neurologist for an MRI as soon as possible. The problem was that it was Friday afternoon - not a great time to schedule a last minute MRI. After striking out finding a neurolgoist, our surgeron friend, Dr. Mathis, ordered an MRI so we wouldn't have to wait out the weekend wondering if there was something serious causing the double vision. The three hours we had to wait seemed like an eternity. I can't imagine what it would've been like to wait the weekend.

Holly's fear in the morning was that her streak of perfect vision was coming to an end after 31 years of 20/20. At 3:45, the fear was a bit more intense. Now we were conerned about a mass, an anuerism, or something like M.S.. I don't remember a worse period of time in my life than the few hours of not knowing whether or not my wife had something serious causing her double vision. The test took about an hour, and Dr. Mathis called about an hour later and said the MRI was negative. There was nothing in her brain causing the double vision. So, her eyes are fine, and she doesn't have any of the major things that cause this. Great news! Bad news - she's still seeing double. Did I mention this is the day we were supposed to be celebrating our 11th anniversary? Not quite the celebration we planned for.

So, we survived the weekend with a new appreciation for how people with visual disabilities navigate through life. Her vision did not improve at all over the weekend, and with the difficulty in focusing came headaches and fatique. We were anxious to get to the neurologist on Monday to try and get some more answers.

The neurologist gave her a full neuro exam and declared her neurologically fit with the exception of something going on with her left eye. The condition is best described as a palsy of the 6th cranial nerve. The doctor's best guess is that a small blood clot is what's caused the palsy. There's no reason they can find by exam or MRI, so that leaves physiological deduction. Guessing. There are some viral infections that can cause this, some obscure diseases and blood conditions. So, they've ordered a very thorough blood work-up to rule out all of those things. Those other conditions, though, should be accompanied by other symptoms. She has no other symptoms. They've put her on aspirin to increase the blood flow, and if the blood work comes back negative the condition could begin to heal. If that's the case, without supernatural intervention, it could be up to 6 months before her vision is restored to normal.

The neurologist said that we'll never meet another person with this, it won't come up in conversation. It's a unique situation that little is known about. We are so grateful for all of you in our lives. The support has been overwhelming, and we'll be taking you up on the help offers until we get through this. Earlier in the week, Jacob and I were doing a Bible Study together. We were talking about faith, and I told him that scripture says that faith is believing in what you can't see. When he was talking about mommy not being able to see, he said, "That's like faith, Daddy." So we're believing in what we can't see, and as I was listenting to the new Aaron Ivey CD, I got hung up on the verse of "It is Well" that says, "Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight...". Clearly the verse is talking about seeing Jesus, but it has an additional meaning for us now. We believe our faith will be the return of Holly's sight.

For now, it affects everything - her graphic work, her photography, her ability to drive, to watch movies, to read, to do everything really. The neurologist recommended a patch to cover the affected eye because the other eye is fine. She's tried that around the house the past couple of days, but her equilibrium is messed up from trying to get acclimated to only being able to see out of one eye. We've got an appointment with the eye doctor again tomorrow to explore some other options for closing off that eye. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of explanation and not a lot of good options for what's going to happen from here. We are trusting God for a full recovery, and until then we're just taking it a minute at a time trying to make the best of a very odd situation. We love you very much. Thank you for taking time to read all of this.

Much love,

Jason, Holly, and Jacob

Aaron Ivey CD

I've known Aaron for a long time and am honored to call him a friend. I loved all of his work with Spur 58, and I am blown away by the new solo project. It is inspired, anointed, and necessary in an age where the Kingdom is desperately needed on earth. I can't get these songs out of my head, and I love it. Buy it now!