Un-happy Holidays? — 1 Life 1 Mission

One of the joys of 2016 has been the opportunity to do some part-time work as the Chaplain for an oil company. Over the course of the holidays, some serious personal struggles were brought to my attention, and I ended up putting this together for the employees.

For many people, the holiday season is anything but happy. For many, it is a time of year we look forward to all year long, but for others it is a time of great sadness and pain. I've recently run across some folks who are really struggling this holiday season. Some with depression. So with suicidal thoughts. Some with loneliness. As I was thinking and praying for them, I thought I would work on a bit of encouragement for those struggling this holiday season.

As soon as the Halloween candy was off the shelves, Walmart and every other box store let us know that Christmas is undoubtedly here. Sure, we’ll make a quick pit-stop for Turkey and Dressing this week, but holiday season has been in full force for a while.

The holidays can be great. We’ll decorate. We’ll get together with friends and family. We’ll eat good food. We’ll lavish our loved ones with gifts. We might go to a show or Christmas production. We’ll be invited to parties. We’ll drive around and look at lights. The holiday season gives us opportunities that the rest of the year lacks. It can be a really good time.

For others, the holidays are anything but happy. Spending a lot of money is scary for those on a tight budget. For some, family environments aren’t healthy and getting together reminds us of a lot of hurt…maybe even forces us into new hurts. Sometimes the regret of past mistakes glares us in the face when we’re with our family. For those who have lost loved ones during the year, the holidays bring an overwhelming sense of loss as you miss those who have passed on. On top of that, daylight savings has us living with a lot more night-time. The holidays can be an incredibly tough time.

For those struggling this holiday season, here are 5 tips for surviving un-happy holidays.

Tips for surviving un-happy holidays…

It’s ok to not be ok. When everything around you seems to be happy and bright, know that there are many who are actually struggling. It’s not normal to show it, but it’s there. Don’t put more pressure or judgment on yourself because you’re struggling. Don’t let the feeling of being un-happy take you even deeper into un-happiness because of self-condemnation. Being able to say, “I’m not ok” is ok. It’s a great place to start working toward a reality where you can feel ok.

Give thanks. It’s not just for Thanksgiving Day. It’s good all the time…especially when you’re feeling down. When pain, confusion and/or and hopelessness starts to take over, step back, take a breath and find something around you that is good. There is usually more balance than you realize, and being intentional about counting your blessings really does help. Giving thanks doesn’t ignore hardships, but it keeps the hardships in perspective.

Easy on the Egg-nog. When things are tough, alcohol might seem like a reasonable escape. While it provides temporary relief from the stress and anxiety. It doesn’t fix anything. It is common for folks who are struggling to over-indulge, but it will leave you in the same situation as before. Beyond that, many of the most regrettable decisions in life come after drinking too much. Alcohol is a depressant, and if you’re already feeling that way, your feelings of depression will be multiplied. Don’t set yourself up for more struggle by thinking that any kind of substance will change what you’re facing.

Talk to someone. It is a proven fact that unloading what’s bothering you is an important step in breaking through the struggle and surviving a tough season. Sometimes it helps to have someone removed from your situation to validate the reality of the hardships you’re facing. Sometimes it helps to see how what you’re facing fits into the bigger picture. If you’re comfortable with a pastor, counselor or someone in your life you consider to be wise, reach out to them.

Adjust your expectations. You can only do what you can do. You can’t make every program. You can’t see every house. You can’t buy every present. You can’t make everything perfect no matter how hard you try. Be reasonable and honest about what you can do. Set some priorities. Protect some time for yourself. If old, bad memories are weighing you down, replace them with good ones. You can control the environments you put yourself in, so adjust your expectations. It really does help.

For those who’ve lost someone…

The first holiday you experience where there’s an empty seat at your table is a harsh reality. That will be the case for our family as my grandfather won’t be with us this year. Nothing can replace a loved one that’s been lost, but you can choose to honor them for the joy they brought to your life. This helps us walk through the loneliness of their absence. It won’t feel the some without them there, and it shouldn’t. However, we should also think about how they would want you to experience the holidays…even in their absence. It’s ok to miss them, and it’s an honor to keep their legacy alive through remembering them and maybe even starting a new tradition in their honor.

I hope and pray these ideas can make un-happy holidays happy again and you can find joy, peace and hope to help you through it all.